Dear Joey,

Merry Christmas (eve)! I hope you are having a wonderful holiday season.

I love the indieweb link you shared in your letter. That whole aesthetic and ethos is so nostalgic for me. Exploring a quirky personal site and then seeing what they link to. That’s really why its called the “web”. Just organically hopping from point to point. Such a nice contrast to the algorithmic way we discover things now. It’s been refreshing to explore points of view in that way again. And I think it’s what you / we are also participating in in some way with the Zine and this blog and the way we are sharing letters now.

You’re right, our lives do look different, we’re both grown up adults, separated by some distance. We can’t just sit on a couch after school or in the weekend. Our days may be fragmented in different unexpected ways, and staying up late isn’t worth the cost anymore. Or has the cost gone up? Probably both.

I think this is normal. It’s a shift in priorites and responsibilities. And it’s awesome and beautiful to see how you navigate that all while modeling positive behaviours for your kid. You’re really present with him, and I don’t know many 4 year olds, but I really feel like the way you guys communicate with him shows a level of inherent respect despite him being a ‘child’ that will or already has carried over into how he will treat others and even himself.

And I think it makes sense that you do “your” things after he has gone to bed. This is a phase in his life where he benefits immensely from structure and routine, and it’s something he can’t provide yet for himself. We all benefit from a bit of structure. At least I know I do. I think it’s an always ongoing and unfolding journey, and if you are able to stay real about what is working and what isn’t working, you will find ways to get support from those who care for you and your own structure / routine.

Anyways I think you’re doing great. I am kind of re-parenting myself right now, so it’s interesting to think about these things and hear about your parenting journey.

I think after sending this I will go make another earnest attempt at finishing Blue Prince. I’m in this frustrating place where I know what to do (I think), I just have to get the random number generator to cooperate. Maybe I will discover that the answer was there in front of me all along and didn’t need much reliance on randomness, that would be a sick revelation :P

Happy hunting,

Much love,

Oliver